It’s been a MONTH since I wrote last. My sincere apologies.
As I’m writing, my head feels like it’s going to explode and if I move the wrong direction my lungs will collapse into uncontrolled fits of coughing.
You’re not here to listen to me whine, but since I’ve got you – let’s chat briefly, oh so briefly, about the great balancing act that is stay at home parenting, being someone’s spouse, and managing not to lose yourself in it all.
At my heart, I’m a creator. The messy kind.
Organization eludes me on very basic levels, even though keeping things clean and tidy makes me feel so much better about life.
When I start something, it’s safe to say that I throw myself into it with the kind of embarrassing enthusiasm that makes you want to look away because you just know a train wreck is coming imminently.
I can’t help it, that’s just how this train rolls.
Sometimes that kind of imprudent, give no F’s and take no prisoners attitude can be a really good thing, but it can also lead to the kind of relationship strife that has us trying to get to the end of the day still remember why we love each other.
Then remembering that loving is something we choose to do. Every day. Even when it’s hard. Ten years into this and I’m still learning and growing with my husband, and he’s still learning and growing with me.
Our goal is to get each other to heaven.
Make each other better people.
Be the chisel that helps to soften the edges of our less than ideal personality traits.
Blogging, I can safely say, consumed me whole the first few months. I was still recovering from having a baby, I was tapping into this exciting creative part of me that hasn’t seen the light of day in far too long.
I made new blog friends that I talk to nearly every single night, and they have given me the support and encouragement to keep going on even when sitting down to write is hard. Or just when life and being a parent gets hard. They are precious gems in this crazy mixed-up world.
At the same time – my kids all came home for summer and I spent every single evening with my head and heart full of writing, and lots of time while they were otherwise engaged thinking about how to get my writing out there further.
Apart from being able to tap into some long dark creative part of me, there was/is the hope that eventually this venture would take off and be a vehicle for some income for our family. But my husband and I drifted into different universes instead of spending time together this summer. He supported and read all of my writing, cheered me on when I was published in a much bigger publication, and encouraged my ideas. But he also missed me and wanted to see me take control of our house and feel like I was successfully managing our kids during the day. (Which, I’ll be honest, was a tall order on the best of days.)
Things got relationally hairy. We started to argue about the little things. The most unimportant things seemed like a personal attack that turned into a much bigger argument about completely unrelated issues.
Where we are now is a much better place. I’ve taken a step back to take a blog ‘breather’ and as much as I miss writing, I’m getting my houses in order. My actual house. My marriage house. Some other nonsensical theoretical metaphysical houses.
I won’t be gone forever, but at this point it’s certainly looking like cutting down to once or twice a month is more realistic than trying to put out a post every week. You’d be shocked how much time goes into a single post. So. Much. Time. And this tired, sick mom needs to sleep at night. There’s a reality that you have to choose between spending your free time at night sleeping or enjoying yourself. It’s a battle.
Of course, as soon as I hit the big time and this is actually helping support our family and my husband can quit his job and turn our little acreage into a working homestead, then I’ll be back and inundating you again.
Talk to you soon! Go out and make someone’s day today – you never know what small act of kindness might make a big difference!